The concealedest stones are in your lawn
The gihugest spiders swim in your bath
The horriblest weeds grow on your path
The loudest bores sit next to you
The tallest people spoil your view
The unluckiest events happened at school
You even got the bends in the swimming pool
The daftest decisions are against your team
By the worstest refereeing you've ever seen
The unfairest fats in the food you like
Make bums the width of Offa's Dyke
The tightest fit is in your size
A dietary decision might well be wise
The dancer from hell claims the last spin
You couldn't care less the state you're in
You can't argue without coming to blows
The camera clicks when you're picking your nose
The bestest holiday you've had to date
Except for the hijacking, which made you late
Was made enjoyable by the local wines
And you felt more at ease when they'd cleared the mines
Now as you grow older you try to stand tall
Loose bits are hidden with your back to the wall
And eyes that once viewed events with a glint
Now watch TV from three feet; with a squint
Perhaps life has ways of evening things out
But don't trust to luck to bring this about
Just when you think optimists are bringing you cheer
The pessimist pops up and reverses gear!